


Sanders Sides Part 8

by LadyoftheWoods



Series: Sanders Sides [8]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-29
Updated: 2019-05-29
Packaged: 2020-03-26 14:24:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,417
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19007602
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadyoftheWoods/pseuds/LadyoftheWoods
Summary: The Sides get some answers





	Sanders Sides Part 8

**Author's Note:**

> This is the last part in this story! I might write more stuff in this universe, shorter things, but I haven't really decided yet. I have no idea what I'll write next, but thanks a lot for making it this far and liking it enough to keep reading! It means a lot to me that anyone reads anything I write, honestly.

The next time Lucian woke, he woke slowly. He blinked open his eyes, pushing himself up to sit, leaning back against the couch. He was in the living room. He pushed back his hair, wincing at the headache he could feel coming on. His arm was still in a sling, though its sharp sting was now a dull ache. His whole body felt stiff, and he stretched, wincing as each muscle cried out in protest. He could tell the skin around his cheek was one ugly bruise, and the cut on the other would scar.  
He was alone for the moment. He wondered if Thomas had called them away. He wondered how long he’d been out, how Thomas had been handling his absence. What had he done? It all came rushing back. He’d been an idiot, why had he listened to Mi…. to Deceit.  
And yet, it had been so… so good. It was like nothing had ever changed. But was that worth it? He hated it, hated that he had to admit it, hated that he even thought it. But he’d missed Milo. He’d missed the banter, the easiness they’d always had with each other, how he knew exactly when he needed space and when he needed someone there.  
He kicked off the blankets and got to his feet, wincing as lightheadedness left him dizzy for a moment, leaning against the walls for support until he made his way to his door. The door to his room. Tentatively he reached out a hand towards the handle, deciding against it and pulling back, instead simply resting his hand on its wood.  
It seemed to stretch on forever in height, towering over him. Most days he didn’t leave it unless he had to, summoned by the others or his own senses telling him he was needed. They all made an effort to get him out, to participate, especially Patton, but there were times he just couldn’t face them all.  
It was supposed to be his safe space, his own space, but it was anything but. It felt more like a prison than anything else sometimes. His own shame keeping him inside, telling him he’d just be in everyone’s way, no matter how many times they’d told him otherwise. Their whole foundation was a lie. He hadn’t told them anything about him, he kept it all carefully hidden away, locked away, they didn’t need to know.  
But now they did. Or if they didn’t, they’d have questions and he’d have to explain. About his name, about Deceit, about the others, about his own origins. If Milo just weren’t so good at getting in his head, none of this would have happened. They’d been in danger because of him. So what if he forgot, if he left, if he died? If he hadn’t shoved Logan and Patton out of the way, neither of them would be here, he was positive of that. He only barely made it because of his connection with Deceit. Because he was a Dark Side.  
He could go in, lock the door, never come out. But that wouldn’t work. That would be almost worse. At least out here, They couldn’t get to him, couldn’t push his buttons, couldn’t whisper in his ear.  
He ran his hands through his hair, wishing to just cease to exist.  
“You think you’re so much better than me, do you? Then why haven’t you told them the truth?”  
“Oh, that’s rich, coming from you. Step off your high horse, Deceit.”  
“Don’t. Call me that.” He’d hissed, eyes sparking.  
“Sensitive much?”  
“Yes, I’m the only one sensitive about my name, am I “Virgil”?” He’d let out a strangled yell in frustration.  
“You don’t even try, why don’t you at least try to get along with them, work with them? That’s what I do!”  
“And look at you now, you’re a watered down, wilting version of your former self, Lucian. You couldn’t even scare a duckling.”  
“That’s not the point!”  
“Then what is the point!? It’s who you are, its your job, and your neglecting it for those so-called friends. I’m your friend. I know more about you than anyone, and have I ever turned my back on you? What do you think they’d do, if they knew what you were?”  
“it doesn’t matter, because they don’t know.” Lucian gritted out.  
“Ah, clever clever. There’s the Dark shining through. I see you learned something from me at least. How long will that ignorance last, I wonder, when I’m just out of sight? It’s only a matter of time before he figures out about me.” Lucian clenched his fists, Deceit smiling crookedly.  
“You won’t tell them anything.” He whispered, voice tight. Deceit tsked.  
“We’ll see. I can tell you’re in no mood for civilized conversation. I’ll just check up on you later, let you have some time to come to your senses.” He’d vanished, as always, in a puff of smoke.  
Lucian shook off the memories, turning away.  
“Virgil, there you are! I’m so glad to see you up and about, we were worried when you weren’t where we’d left you.” He tensed, turning to see Roman, Patton and Logan coming down the hall towards him.  
“Why did you do that?” he asked, making Roman pause, confused.  
“Do what?”  
“Why did you try and come find me?” Lucian asked. It was Patton who answered.  
“Because we knew you were in trouble. We found your door open and your journal on your bed, and the room a mess and Deceit… Your family, we weren’t gonna just leave you.” His heart sunk. They’d read his journal. He hadn’t meant for them to see that, any of it.  
“You shouldn’t have.” He replied, good hand stuffed in his pocket.  
“Shouldn’t have what? Read your journal? We wouldn’t have under normal circumstances, but Deceit indicated it would somehow clue us in to your predicament.” Logan replied.  
“You shouldn’t have come found me. Do you know how dangerous that was? How stupid you all were? I would have been fine, there without you. I didn’t need you to come save me.” Lucian replied, voice heated and stinging.  
“Virgil, you’re one of us. We weren’t gonna lose you.”  
“For the last time, that’s not my name! My name is Lucian. I’m not one of you, I’m not family, I’m nothing like any of you!” He shouted. Patton flinched, Roman stared, Logan blinked.  
“You’re being awfully mean, there, kiddo. We’re just trying to help.” Patton said, making Lucian feel even more guilty, but he couldn’t stop now.  
“Good. Maybe you’ll finally remember what I am now. I’m not your friend, I’m not your playmate, I’m not your fixer upper project, I’m fear and loathing and I would’ve been perfectly happy for the rest of my life if you all hadn’t shown up and ruined it!” Patton’s mouth hung open, and the others seemed frozen as he turned and stalked down the hall, praying they’d stop. That they’d take the hint and leave him alone.  
He yelped as the way before him was cut off by a blazing wall of fire reaching from floor to ceiling. He spun to face them, Roman’s eyes blazing orange.  
“What is wrong with you? You can’t just leave, don’t we deserve an explanation? After everything we did, just say something!” He was mad, but Lucian was mad too, he was making himself be mad. Because if he wasn’t mad he didn’t know what would be left.  
“You don’t have a clue what you’re asking for.” He responded, voice bitter as he punched a hole through the fire.  
“Talking things out has historically been our way of dealing with our differences and forging a path forward that seems agreeable to all.” Logan, responded, trying to box him in with his shields. He teleported, there one instant, out the next.  
“Nothing could be so bad that we’d stop loving you. Please Virg? Don’t just…go.” Patton, of course Patton. He couldn’t spit his hurtful words at him, couldn’t be mean to him again. He raked his hands through his hair, letting out a frustrated growl. The only thing that would make them stop was the truth. So, let them have it.  
“You don’t get, of course you don’t get it.” He muttered. “You want answers? You wanna know what’s wrong with me? Fine! I’M A DARK SIDE!” He screamed, unable to contain it anymore. “Why do you think you all freak out in my room? It isn’t like yours. It’s connected to the Dark Side, and the others can come and go as they please, and they do. Oh, they do. Why do you think I know Deceit’s name and he knows mine? Because we were friends, best friends, almost brothers. I knew the second he stepped in as Patton, why do you think I hate him so much? Because I know all of his tricks, he perfected them on me, trying to keep me from leaving! Because we’re exactly the same, no matter how hard I try, I’m not… enough.” He finished, defeated, shoulders slumped. He closed his eyes, not wanting to see their faces. He was done.  
He stumbled back as a small force hit him, peeking open his eyes to see Patton hugging him.  
“You are so, so strong.” Patton said, looking straight into his eyes. “Where you come from doesn’t change a thing about you. You kept all that inside, for so, so long. I know that kind of hurting. And it is okay. It is okay that you’re scared. It’s not okay that you think, for a second, that you’re alone.” Lucian was voiceless for a moment.  
“You all hate the Dark Sides. I thought if you knew, you’d hate me to.” He said, half frozen, afraid if he moved, Patton, his one life preserver right now, would vanish.  
“Kiddo, you can’t let Deceit and his friends get in your head. We love you for who you are, not what you are. That will never, ever, change.” Lucian was breathless for a moment, then he hugged Patton tight, buried his head in his shoulder, and just let it all go.  
He let all the fear and the anger and the hate and the loathing that had built up over years and years drain away. He let go all the fights, all the arguing, all the name calling and slights. He let go of Milo, even though it made him feel like he was breaking apart. All the times he’d built himself up, just for Milo to tear him down. All the times he’d wanted to talk, but Milo made him feel stupid for it. All the times he’d almost reached out, but Milo whispered in his ear and made him afraid.  
And for the first time he saw clearly, objectively, that Milo had been lonely and afraid too. Which is why he’d clung so tightly to Lucian. Milo had been using him, as he used everyone, to further his own ends. And he’d refused to be used any longer. Which had made Milo angry and confused and alone. Bitter.  
“I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry.” They had slid to the floor. He couldn’t seem to get enough air. He’d been so stupid, and they’d almost gotten hurt because of his silly hurt feelings, and he let Deceit use him again and he never learned, why did he never learn?  
“Hey. It’s ok, it’s ok. I’m sorry too. I didn’t realize what I said was hurting you so badly.” Roman knelt next to Lucian, who still clung to Patton and was shaking, almost hyperventilating. Roman put a hand on his shoulder, smiling through his own tears. “You’re ok. We’re all ok. It’s going to be ok. Now just breathe. In and out, you can do it.” With a few last gulps of breath, Lucian managed to calm down, his shakes stopped, the tears finally ran themselves out.  
“For clarification, should we call you Virgil or Lucian now?” Logan asked, hovering over them uncertainly. Lucian choked out a laugh, wiping his eyes with his sleeve.  
“Lucian is my name, my real name. I wanted to tell you all then, about everything, but I just panicked. He got in my head. And then when I found you guys actually cared… it seemed too late to say anything. But y’know, I kinda like Virgil now. It seems more… me.” He replied, letting out a small groan as he pushed himself back up to standing, Roman holding his hand, Patton looping his arm through his slung up one.  
“You should get some rest. You’ve already done too much movement today for your recovering body, both physically and mentally.” Logan remarked, his own way of showing he cared. Virgil glanced somewhat fearfully at his door.  
“I can’t go back in there. Not yet. I just… I can’t.” He felt his heart start to speed up, before Roman gave his hand a squeeze.  
“Then you don’t have to. The living room can be your room, as long as you need it. I’d say you could bunk with me, but our rooms are a bit…”  
“Incompatible.” Logan finished for Roman, adjusting his glasses. Virgil smiled down at the ground.  
“Oh, does that mean we can decorate it!? I can get all my arts and crafts supplies- “  
“YES! It shall be the spookiest of rooms, a chance to put my skills at scene building to the test!” Roman and Patton chattered away, forming plans on how to furnish the living room, their ideas growing wilder by the second. He rolled his eyes, stifling a yawn as they finally entered the shared living space. He found he was exhausted, all his energy spent up, as he curled up on the couch.  
Roman paced the room as he gestured, making grand plans for decorations. Patton sat next to him, jumping in with his own ideas, shutting down anything to do with spiders.  
“Virgil.” Logan’s voice caught him just as he was drifting off.  
“Yeah?” He asked, yawning, feeling the couch shift as Logan sat down beside him and fiddled with his tie.  
“I’m not good with feelings but… please don’t ever scare me like that again.” Virgil smiled smally, leaning against Logan as he closed his eyes.  
“I won’t, Teach.” He drifted off, feeling Logan wrap an arm around his shoulders. He knew when he woke up, everything would be ok. For the first time in a long time, everything was good.


End file.
